The NEW STUD Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dang it!...third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story....Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -  old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Church Fueds

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing; "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, "Jesus Paid It All."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was "I Love To Tell The Story."

The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang "Oh, Why Not Tonight."

When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, "What A Friend We Have in Jesus."

What do you get at Pizza Hut?

So, I take a High School friend to dinner this evening. I invited my Niece Casey and her boyfriend to come along. While we are there, Sarah my other Niece calls and asks where we are at. Casey tells her that we are at Pizza Hut getting something to eat.

Sarah asked, "What do you get there, FOOD????"

There is NO WAY to answer that question without shaking your head......


Life goes on here on Courthouse Rd.

When Grandma Goes to Court

Grandma goes to court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

Can Scientists REALLY tell you how old something is?

Some will tell you yes. But let's examine this closer.

I can prove, yes PROVE to you that the Earth is only 114 years old using a known Scientific Formula!

What?!? We ALL know that the Earth is way older than that! But, the formula will PROVE the Earth is only 114 years old! How can this be?

Here's the formula:

1. Take all the minerals in the oceans today
2. Factor in the rate at which the rivers and streams deliver these minerals to the oceans.

Put these numbers into a computer and you'll prove the Earth is only 114 years old! BUT!!! - put the SAME formula back into the computer a SECOND time. Don't change anything and you will get a figure PROVING that the Earth is BILLIONS upon BILLIONS of years old!

So what's this flawed formula?

CARBONDATING!

That's right! So when they tell you something is Billions of years old, know that the formula supporting their figure is flawed!

Want more proof?

Ok, here goes:

In Amelia County Virginia in the late 1970s, a farmer walked up on one of his Milk Cows that had died. He waited 6 months, then when nothing was left but the bones, he mixed up the bones and then he called in the local Scientists. They came out and CARBONDATED the bones..."Oh it's the greatest Archelogical Find Ever! BILLIONS of years old!" they told him.

The farmer just laughed and said, "You Scientists think you know everything! This is just one of my Milk Cows that died 6 MONTHS ago and here's the photos of the decay process to prove it!"

I wish I still had the newpaper article that told this story. But you see my point.

So believe Scientists if you want, I choose to believe facts....

Do you have MASSAGE Seats?

I took my Niece Casey and her Boyfriend Jerry to Lunch today. On the way home, Casey was massaging Jerry's Neck...

He said "I gotta get one of these Massage Seats for my car".

I said "Yeah, it was an extra on this one."

Casey says, "Do you REALLY have Massage Seats?"


Life goes on here on Courthouse Road......

Here's your sign.....

I come in the house and I hear the Hair Dryer running and my Niece Sarah saying "This is NOT what I needed today."

Seems earlier, that Casey decided to test the Water and Electronics theory by dropping the hair Dryer in the Toilet. The Hair Dryer still works......Sarah drops a TAPE RECORDER in the toilet in next. A trip to Staples and a new recorder fix that one.

BUT!!!!

As we're sitting here listening to Sarah peck away on the keyboard, the rest of us are watching Dr. G. Medical Examiner....Dr. G is doing an AUTOPSY on a 3-year old boy. Casey, looks at me and says....

"He died, right?"

Her Boyfriend said, no, he wanted to have his insides examined to see how he was GOING TO die......"Here's your sign!"

Life goes on here on Courthouse Road.........