Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Grab a Tissue and read this....

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago. They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night's dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding.

ALL BUT ONE!!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned. He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16 year old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display. As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket. When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, "Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?"

She nodded through her tears. He continued on with, "I hope we didn't spoil your day too badly."

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, "Mister...." He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, "Are you Jesus?"

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: "Are you Jesus?" Do people mistake you for Jesus? That's our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It's actually living the Word as life unfolds day today.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

Please share this... Sometimes we just take things for granted, when we really need to be sharing what we know.


The NEW STUD Rooster

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dang it!...third gay rooster I bought this month."

Moral of this story....Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -  old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!

Church Fueds

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside.

One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing; "I Shall Not Be Moved."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song, "Jesus Paid It All."

The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was "I Love To Tell The Story."

The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang "Oh, Why Not Tonight."

When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang, "What A Friend We Have in Jesus."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What do you get at Pizza Hut?

So, I take a High School friend to dinner this evening. I invited my Niece Casey and her boyfriend to come along. While we are there, Sarah my other Niece calls and asks where we are at. Casey tells her that we are at Pizza Hut getting something to eat.

Sarah asked, "What do you get there, FOOD????"

There is NO WAY to answer that question without shaking your head......

Life goes on here on Courthouse Rd.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

When Grandma Goes to Court

Grandma goes to court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Can Scientists REALLY tell you how old something is?

Some will tell you yes. But let's examine this closer.

I can prove, yes PROVE to you that the Earth is only 114 years old using a known Scientific Formula!

What?!? We ALL know that the Earth is way older than that! But, the formula will PROVE the Earth is only 114 years old! How can this be?

Here's the formula:

1. Take all the minerals in the oceans today
2. Factor in the rate at which the rivers and streams deliver these minerals to the oceans.

Put these numbers into a computer and you'll prove the Earth is only 114 years old! BUT!!! - put the SAME formula back into the computer a SECOND time. Don't change anything and you will get a figure PROVING that the Earth is BILLIONS upon BILLIONS of years old!

So what's this flawed formula?


That's right! So when they tell you something is Billions of years old, know that the formula supporting their figure is flawed!

Want more proof?

Ok, here goes:

In Amelia County Virginia in the late 1970s, a farmer walked up on one of his Milk Cows that had died. He waited 6 months, then when nothing was left but the bones, he mixed up the bones and then he called in the local Scientists. They came out and CARBONDATED the bones..."Oh it's the greatest Archelogical Find Ever! BILLIONS of years old!" they told him.

The farmer just laughed and said, "You Scientists think you know everything! This is just one of my Milk Cows that died 6 MONTHS ago and here's the photos of the decay process to prove it!"

I wish I still had the newpaper article that told this story. But you see my point.

So believe Scientists if you want, I choose to believe facts....