Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?!?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Axe and Two 38's!"

Dear God

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.  When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This Email was voted the Women's Favorite!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.  So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.'"

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book.  He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog..

Then, it was already 1 P.M.  And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.  Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops
and snapped fresh beans for supper. He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed.

After supper, At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to do his wifely duties, which he managed to get through without complaint. and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -

The next morning, he awoke
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.  I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay
home all day.  Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back... Amen!'"

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

"This has been voted the Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!"