Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Acts 2:38

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?!?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Axe and Two 38's!"

Dear God

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.  When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This Email was voted the Women's Favorite!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord:

I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.  So, please allow her body to
switch with mine for a day.'"

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked
up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book.  He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog..

Then, it was already 1 P.M.  And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.  Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops
and snapped fresh beans for supper. He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, And put them to bed.

After supper, At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to do his wifely duties, which he managed to get through without complaint. and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -

The next morning, he awoke
"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.  I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay
home all day.  Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back... Amen!'"

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

"My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

"This has been voted the Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year!"

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The WRONG one.......Classic!

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. The only seat left was taken by a well dressed middle-aged, French woman's poodle...

The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. "Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired."

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!"

This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window."

Friday, September 24, 2010

ONE thing I'll NEVER understand is.........

WHY any WOMAN would allow herself to be beat, belittled, talked down to, or any number of other things these TRASH that call themselves MEN do to them.

WHAT possesses them to stay in such a relationship?
WHY do they put up with it?

There are TRUE MEN, like myself, PROMISE KEEPERS, who were taught how and know how a LADY should be treated and we LOVE doing it!

Give us a chance!

You won't be disappointed!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Smart Woman!

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Valley of Sorrow

For many of us, it will happen... A loved one will die. There is no greater and sobering experience in this life than when we bury a loved one. If and when this happens in your life, know that Christ stands undaunted and ready to comfort. He breeds a zero tolerance to lingering resentment and sorrow (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18).

Adversities of this magnitude have a way of arresting our attention to the certainty of God's presence. God's purpose in the use of adversity is to cultivate a familiarity with His character. One of the great dangers and deceptions in a moment of crisis is the fear that God has distanced Himself from us and has left us to ourselves. There is only one answer to fear and sorrow in time of adversity: "The Truth." Jesus Christ said that He will never leave us nor forsake us. Remain alert to that reality. Remember: a mind stayed on fear and sorrow is a vulnerable mind and will grow resentful. Believe God, and rejoice in His promises, and there will be healing from the intoxicating influence of sorrow. God will bring you through your time of sorrow. Remember, Christians are not to sorrow as the world, which is void of hope. Christians are never without hope. It’s true... Christians never say good-bye for the last time. Amen

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Chick-Fil-A on WALL St

Today at Lunchtime, My Niece and Nephew Sarah and Brandon were going to lunch. Sarah asked me if I wanted to come and said they were going to Chick-Fil-A. I asked which one?

She said the one on WALL STREET!

She got confused because Walmart is on Hull Street and the Chick-Fil-A is in the Walmart Shopping Center.

So, SOMEHOW, she mixed up Walmart and Hull Street and came up with Wall St!

Brandon asked her if we could have dessert in Central Park and then see a Broadway Show while we were in NEW YORK CITY????

Life goes on here on Courthouse Road!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Birds of a Feather....

This morning, My Niece Casey, comes in and she's got her hair up. She kind of looked like Sarah Palin. So I made that comment.

She said that a lot of people had said that.

So, I made the comment, Birds of a Feather.....

Casey looked at me and said.

A Horse and a Feather?

After I spit out the Pepsi I was drinking, everyone just laughed.....

She still hasn't gotten the joke.....

Life goes on here on Courthouse Road.....

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Some people are just TOO easy!

So, my Neice Casey and I went to Walmart to get a few things. I just bought a new 2010 Ford Fusion SEL. Lots of Bells and Whistles! We picked up the things we needed and headed outside.

I had my car in sight and reached up and ACTED like I touched my BLUETOOTH HEADSET and said "FIND CAR".

Casey said, "How can I find the Car?" I pointed to my ear.

Hit the remote unlock on my KeyFob and the lights came on at my car!

Casey, said "Can it do that?"

We got in the car and I said, "You are way TOO easy!"

I wasn't gonna post this, but Sarah said I'd better for all the grief I give her.....

Life goes on here on Courthouse Rd!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Simon the Snowman Dies

Simon the Snowman, died January 8, 2010. He was born on December 18, 2009 in Chesterfield County Virginia. Simon lived a hard life that saw each new day taking a little of his short life away. Simon kept smiling to the very end. He is survived by his Uncle Josh, two sisters; Sarah R Adams and Casey L Adams and his parents William and Debby Adams. He was cremated and his remains spread on the family farm for all to cherish. We wish to thank all who supported him and cared for him in his short lifetime.